Birthday Wishes

I am sorry I have neglected my poor little blog lately I'll fill you in on our summer adventures soon but tonight I am in a sentimental mood. It is strange to think that I am a mother sometimes. As I sit here writing this entry my 18 month old is upstairs in her crib screaming her head off because she doesn't want to go to sleep. We have been having sleep issues the past few weeks where she wakes up at 2 or 3 and doesn't want to go back to sleep. I am not giving in tonight. There was a time when I set my alarm to wake up and feed a little baby her bottle. It was 22 years ago today that my beautiful baby sister was born. I watched the doctor deliver her and my dad cut her cord. The family didn't know what my mom was having and we all hoped that we would get a little brother. When they said it was a girl I remember crying back then I thought I cried because she wasn't a brother but now I think my heart knew she would not be in our lives for very long. I was ten when she was born and we became instantly bonded as more than just sisters. When I got my drivers license I would take her with me. When my family moved to Hawaii she was a stinker. It was like she completely fit in with the locals including her new-found accent. Spending each evening with my family at the beach will stay in my heart forever, Camille could ride the boogey board all the way into the dry sand giggling with sheer delight the whole way. In 1997 my family moved back to Utah to live with me and my grandmother in Sandy. Our hearts broke when a week before the plane was to arrive Camille was admitted to the Children's hospital in Honolulu with what could be Leukemia. When my family did arrive Camille and my parents went right to Primary Children's Hospital where they confirmed our worst fears. Camille had cancer. I took Sabrina and we became each-others rock. Camille spent a month at Primary Children's and got to come home to grandma's for her 10th birthday, we had a Luau for her and she taught us how to Hula. While she was at home her beautiful blonde hair began to fall out and we all cried as a family. I told her she could have my hair but she wouldn't accept it. In September of '97 I donated bone marrow to Lulu (that was my nick-name for her) it grafted successfully and she got to come home for Christmas. I got my Mission call in March of '98 and as we were getting a final Check up to go to Disney World for Camille's make a wish the doctors told us she had re-lapsed. It was April 1st. In may we were busy with mission preparations and both Sabrina and my birthdays. On top of that I gave Camille another donation but this time it was stem cells which meant 2 hours hooked up to a dialysis machine and my dad sitting next to me to scratch my nose. I left for the MTC on June 10th knowing that Camille was fragile but determined that through my faith the Lord would carry her till I could see her again. In July my family met me at the airport to see me off to Philadelphia and that's the last time I got to hold my tiny baby sister. She was slowly losing her fight and as much as I hoped she would pull through it wouldn't be long before she had to go on a mission of her own. On July 17 1998 I got to call my family with permission from my mission president and I said my goodbyes to Camille. I asked her if she wanted me to come home and take care of her and she told me no that she was going home. This next part I share with you only because I need to remember how special it is to me and that maybe it can heal someones heart as it has mine. On July 28th at 4 am the phone in my little Allentown apartment rang waking me with a start. It was my mom and I instantly knew why she was calling me. I don't know why but I was expecting to feel some kind of release or emotion when Camille died but I felt nothing, I was sound asleep. My awesome companion consoled me and when I hung up after talking to my family the two of us knelt in humble prayer and asked Heavenly Father to bless my family while they grieved. When I got back in my bed I thought for sure Camille would come visit me in a dream or better yet in spirit but then I became afraid unsure of what her appearance was like so I said another prayer and fell instantly asleep. The next thing I knew she was there beside me. I could feel her breathe, smell her hair and I even felt her little body in my arms as I squeezed her. I bent my head and kissed her on her forehead and was awakened by my alarm clock. I don't want people to feel sad that my baby sister died when she was 10 I want people to know that I have a firm testimony of eternal families. She would be 22 today. She has never met my Emma but I know she had been by her crib side when Emma was brand new. I miss her terribly and wish she could be here to share all that is happening in our family but I know she is in a MUCH better place and is doing God's will. I'm sorry if this is too long and a tear jerker but it just seems right to share with you today. Happy Birthday Lulu, I love you and miss you.

Camille, Sabrina and I at the Utah State Fair 1997