Farewell Old Man

     It has been three weeks since my Sweet Grandpa Gray passed away. I forgot how strange things feel when someone you love dies. My fathers mom and dad lived close to us for a while now and I regret that life got so busy that I neglected to take the girls to see them very often. When I was young we would spend summers helping my Grandma get her classrooms ready and we'd go fishing sometimes with grandpa. He was always so quiet except when sports were on TV then you had to be quiet. I remember playing in trailers and mobile homes. We played pool and ping pong in the basement and rode ATVs across the street from their house in Ferron. Thanksgiving and Christmas were some of my favorite times. All the grandkids would sleep in forts and watch Labyrinth and The Never Ending Story cuddled on the couch. The basement had this smell of dust, and old wet  carpet. As a giant family we would all crowd downstairs and grandpa would hand out the gifts one by one. It would take hours and it was fantastic. My grandpa loved onions, and nuts. He always wore snap front cowboy shirts and coordinating slacks with his velcro tennis shoes. He had more hats than anyone I have ever known. When he and my grandma came to visit us in Hawaii in 1995 he didn't veer from his signature wardrobe. I remember being at the beach on Kauai and he sat in the shade in slacks with his shirt sleeves rolled up while everyone was playing in the ocean. I thought he was crazy but that was just grandpa. Grandpa would catch us girls in his legs when you walked by and call you a boy in his Donald Duck voice. He gave the tightest hugs, I'm going to miss those.

     A week before Grandpa passed away I went to visit him with my Dad and Uncle Kenny. The feeling in the little apartment Grandma and Grandpa lived in was overwhelmingly serene. My grandpa sat in his recliner looking frail and tired. It was tough not to breakdown, kneel at his feet and tell him how much I would miss him. I wanted to ask him to give my sister Camille a big hug and kiss and tell her I miss her. I wanted to hold his hand that had been so big and strong. I held back and kissed his head and said a quiet I love you instead. That night after I left, my dad and uncle gave grandpa a blessing. He sat in a chair holding my sweet grandma's hand. He told her he loved her with all his heart. My mom said that while she was there in the room during that special spiritual time, she could feel loved ones including Camille close by. The afternoon of grandpa's passing, my mom called me to let me know the time was close. I called my grandma and held my tears as best as I could but to no good. She held the phone to my grandpa's ear so I could tell him I loved him. By the time I walked across the street to take Emma to school and get back, He was gone.

     I took my little family to grandpa's viewing the night before the funeral. We visited and reminisced with  cousins. I hugged all of my dad's siblings and I kissed my grandma. The babies were cuddled and played with and Emmabug played in a kids area at the funeral home. When we were getting ready to go home Emma came jogging into the viewing room and said to me, "Where's Grandpa Gray? (then a big sigh) "Oh he's still in the coffin?" I couldn't help but marvel at her innocence and tear up. I explained to her why he was in the coffin and what was happening the next day when he was going to be buried. Death is not a subject I imagined explaining to my daughter at such a young age. Thankfully my lame explanation was enough to satisfy her questions.

    The funeral service was nice. I ended up sitting between my sister Sabrina and my niece Claire during the family prayer. That was the toughest part for me. Hearing my grandma tell her sweetheart how much she would miss him and seeing all of their children say goodbye to his physical body was heartbreaking. My aunts gave good talks, my cousin played a lovely piano piece and my uncle sang a hymn. I learned a few things about Grandpa that I had never heard. He graduated from Utah State University and took my grandma to her Junior Prom. He served his Mission in the Eastern States. When my dad spoke one of the first things he recalled was that my grandpa had a beautiful singing voice and how my dad loved to sit next to him in church so he could hear it. I don't remember hearing him ever sing and that made me sad. My grandfather was a very spiritual man and had a beautiful testimony that he made sure to always tell his children. I was able to have time with my parents, sisters and two oldest nieces that day without having to worry about any of the kids thanks to Colts grandma. I visited Grandma this past weekend. It was odd not to have our quiet old grumpy grandpa sitting in his recliner.  I am so grateful to have a big rowdy family to share such great memories with. I will miss grandpa and like I said on Facebook, I am a little jealous that he gets to hug my baby sister whenever he wants now. I love you Grandpa Gray.

My Cousin Danielle Davis took this beautiful picture at the graveside.