A Thankful Heart

Look at these beautiful girls. Things have been tough the past few weeks.

 I need to remember the positive things that are going on with us so that all the negative seems unimportant. 

My sassy Emma. She is such a great big sister. She is always willing to help with the babies. She plays tea party with Katelyn and pushes Carly in the swing. She loves school and we had a great conference with her teacher. Emma has mastered all her subjects so far and is caught up with her phonics. She loves to sound out words and write me notes. One day she brought home a sucker, put it in a zip baggie and wrote "Emma sukr not dads" on it. She loves art and her coloring skills are getting better and better. She is friends with everyone, which I love. When we walk to school you can hear kids yelling "Hi Emma" as we cross the street. 

Emma is a ham and always asks me to take her picture. We had so much fun making her Halloween costume this year. She wanted to be Twilight Sparkle from My Little Pony. I made the wings and her horn and ears. It was a hit and totally original. She's already putting in requests for next year. She teases Colt all during football season about how much he loves BYU, it makes him crazy. She is so excited for Christmas. I hope she continues to be a good girl and Santa brings her what she wants. 

My sweet Carly. We are truly blessed to have such a good baby. I can't believe she is my last. When she was blessed, Colt mentioned that Carly would be a blessing in our home and a big help to her sisters, especially Katelyn. She might not be old enough to help Katie with many things but she is helping us teach Katie to share and be soft. She is teaching Katie to be caring and gentle, two things she has a hard time with. 

Carly is so much fun. Our nickname for her is Carly Boo-boo, I can't explain why but I love it. She makes funny faces and squeals when she plays. She turned one in October and is starting to walk all over the house. She is a bit of a daredevil climbing on the couch and even getting into her swing and standing up so she can get momentum and swing. She loves our big dog Bear. She will climb all over him and squeal as he licks her drool. Carly has only a few words in her vocabulary but we love to hear her say them: Dada, Mama, more, Emma and of course Bear. 

I don't know where I would be if I didn't have my big strong Colt. He puts up with a lot from all of us. He works hard and is so good at his job. He still goes to the gym and works out and stays up late playing World of Warcraft and other video games but on the nights he doesn't have to work he helps me as much as he can with the girls. I am so thankful for him. 

Colt and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary on October 20th. Thankfully my mom and dad were able to watch the girls while we went to dinner and walked City Creek shopping center downtown. We walked hand in hand and had chocolate. Funny enough of all the stores in the mall we spent the most time in the Disney Store. Colt is the best husband and father. He cuddles his babies and wrestles with Emma. He stays up all night with Katie so I can catch up on sleep. He changes stinky diapers and makes mac and cheese. I love him so much I can't imagine life without him. 

Oh my Katie. What am I going to do with you? Despite all our efforts, we are still fighting sleep with her. We have had some suggestions from a behavior therapist and they worked really well for a few weeks but now we are back to square one. I fight through story time and can hardly get through a book without her screaming and getting violent. She continues to hit, headbutt, scream and pull her hair. It has taken a toll on me and I have found myself getting so frustrated I scream and get rough with her. I give in and yank her out of her bed and plop her on the couch and wait for her to cry herself to sleep.It is still a 2 hour ordeal and she still wakes up close to 3 hours after I get her to sleep. No matter how hard I try she gets the best of me and I break down in tears. I worry that it scares Emma how upset I get. She ends up crying and apologizing for Katie's behavior and always asks why she was born this way. I have no answers for her. No one has answers for any of us. I am at a loss. 

Katie has such a Jekyll and Hyde personality. She is funny and silly and loves to watch Mickey Mouse. She sings and dances through the episode but the minute the end song begins to play she starts hitting and screaming. She has started walking more and is talking all the time. She loves to cuddle on the couch with her blanket and is still terribly attached to her binky. She says some of the funniest things. My favorite is when she stands next to Colt and says "Daddy I need you" and when we get Carly out of bed in the morning she says "good morning Boo-boo". She will soon transition to special needs pre-school twice a week. They will help her with social, and scholastic skills as well as whatever else she might need. The sad part of this is she won't have in-home therapy any more. We have grown to love her therapists. 

As for myself I feel like I am hanging by a very weak thread.  I am exhausted and short tempered. My every emotion is so close to the surface if you even look at me the wrong way I snap. I only put on jeans to walk Emma to and from school then its back into my pajamas. I sit on the couch cuddled in a warm blanket and nap when the babies do. My house is a mess and sometimes we have cold cereal for dinner. It's rare that I get a shower without two little girls banging on the shower door and crying for me. I haven't slept in my own bed all night cuddled to my sweetheart in months.

Among all the challenges we are dealt there are so many blessings we have. Colt has a great job and is good at it. His hard work makes it possible for us to have a nice home, food in our belly's and transportation. I have three beautiful girls who get compliments from kind strangers everywhere we go. They are all a joy in their own way. Each little princess has her own personality and has a special place in my heart. I love them all so much and I make sure I tell them as much and as often as I can. Colt and I have a wonderful supportive extended family as well. We are so fortunate to have parents, grandparents and siblings who live so close to us and are willing to help us when they can. The thing I am most thankful for is the hope that someday our lives will be a different kind of normal. A normal where I send everyone to school for the day,  the house is clean and I have some peace and quiet for myself. I am cherishing the time I have with the girls while they are little but some days I wish I had a fast forward button.