Just let it Out

 

It has been such a nice Sunday today. Colt and I spoke in our new ward. After our talks we continued to the next meeting greeted with thank you's, pats on the back and hugs from the congregation. This new ward and neighborhood is amazing. We have the cutest older couple across the street named the Grays (funny as that's my maiden name) they have a golden retriever named Benny that is so sweet and Emma loves to pet him. Behind us live the Stuarts. They have their older college kids living with them and she teaches Family History. Emma has made a good friend with Christianna across the street, they play together in the toy room all the time. Among all the great people I can't help but be sad about the place we left almost 2 months ago. 

Some who read this may find it a bit annoying but I have been carrying the hard feelings I have with me for over a year. You know those years in high school where you keep trying to figure out who you are and where you fit in? I felt like I was living those years over again in my former neighborhood. When we moved in I was so excited to be where there were so many women my age and lots of kids for Emma to play with. My eyes were quickly opened to the realization that no such a thing were to happen for me. The first time I saw the polished appearance of several moms I feared I wouldn't ever feel part of the group. Most of the families in the old 'hood built their homes and were there for a while all bonding and established in their friendships. When Katie was born I had some support and help from a few neighbors, not that I was expecting anyone to.When Colt and I decided to sell the house I felt like everyone gave up on being a friend to me. It got worse when we moved temporarily to Sandy in hopes of a quicker sale. I had little contact with women from the 'hood but those select few that kept in touch with me were and still are great friends and I miss being close to them. Those that alienated me and acted  like I was already moved out were cold and  mean. Before we sold the house we moved back in and I was hoping for a welcome back into the 'hood and ward. I found things unchanged. I wanted to lose weight and found everyone in competition of who lost the most that week, who ran the longest on their treadmill, and who burned the most calories. I hated that I felt like everyone around me was gloating and it pushed me to withdraw from the "group". In the spring I became frustrated with the house situation and in my venting here on my personal blog I ended up apparently offending a few people. I'm not sorry about what I said, it was my feelings at the time, I am only sorry that the individuals I offended weren't grown up enough to talk to me about it. Instead these adults took to Facebook like a couple of teenagers and had all their friends unknowingly bully me. That was the last straw. I immediately deleted the offenders and became bitter towards them. 

Since being in our new house I have been relieved of the pressures I felt in the old 'hood. I feel so welcome in our new house. The people here were at our door the day we moved in willing and able to help us unload. The ward is full of sweet women who don't care about what pants size you wear or even if you workout. I have a feeling I am going to love being here. I am grateful for those in the old 'hood who welcomed me and became my friend. I am sad that others who were friendly with me at one time, couldn't see the great person I am despite my lack of effort to workout and buy designer clothes.