If I were one of these cute cows I would be fired. There have been a lot of tough things about this whole NICU experience. Not holding Mini, trying to avoid getting sick, keeping Emma taken care of and keeping my house from becoming a disaster. By far the second toughest thing is to pump my breast milk. When Emma was born I was a little freaked out by nursing. Honestly. I didn't like the way each nurse that came in to show me what to do had a different technique. Some nurses were rough and sort of harsh in their instruction. Some nurses expected me to just get it right from the get go. I was embarrassed and uncomfortable so when I got home I told my mom and Colt I didn't want to do it. My mom wrapped me with ace bandages as tight as she could to keep my milk from coming in. Emma was formula fed and look how great she is. When Colt and I talked about having another baby I promised him I would try to nurse instead of just jumping to a bottle. With this unexpected delivery I didn't do my research about how a preemie eats and what happens to your milk. Hours after Mini was born I was brought this ugly air compressor type machine on wheels and given an "accessory" kit. I was seriously afraid of the thing. When I went into the NICU for the first time I think I was asked at least three times how the pumping was coming. I had no idea how to pump or how much milk I was supposed to be getting. I didn't really actually produce milk until the day I got home. My awesome insurance will pay for my sweet Mini to be taken care of but for some lame reason they wouldn't pay for a breast pump. Colt took me to Target to buy a pump and a few accessories and we headed home to see Emma and to try to get my body to make milk.
My first pumping at home was a success. I pumped nearly a whole ounce! The following pumping sessions were less successful. I talked to the "crazy boob lady" or lactation specialist the next time I went to see Mini. She gave me some tips and suggested I keep a pumping diary. According to several pamphlets I received said that you should pump 8-10 times in 24 hours. I had no doubt that if my little Mini were in my arms I would nurse her that often but pump?ARE YOU CRAZY?? Finding time to shower or sweep my kitchen floor is hard as it is but stopping every 3 hours to cuddle up to a humming plastic suction machine, UGH. This is impossible! Maybe I am just looking for an excuse to stop. I feel clumsy and naked and terribly awkward trying to convince my body to make milk for a tiny baby I have only held once. I tried pumping at her bedside and I actually got about 2 ounces. Returning home I was so disappointed to only get about 3ml's, not even a teaspoon. Now I am sure there are a few questions you want to ask me, let me answer them for you: No I am not sleeping very good, No I am not eating very good my appetite is pretty slim right now, No I am not drinking enough water, Yes I feel stressed out. I am so close to throwing in the towel. There are only a couple things that are keeping me from boxing up my $300 pump and hiding it in the basement. First, I want to one day hold Mini to my breast and give her the nourishment I promised Colt I would supply our baby. Second, I don't mean to be selfish but I am losing weight fast and if I keep pumping it will help me burn off the baby weight from Emma as well as what little I gained with Mini. (I only gained 5 pounds with Katelyn) That being said I am exhausted from the effort it takes to try and be positive about this whole damn thing. It's all I can do to put myself in the empty nursery and sit and pump out less than a teaspoon of milk. What should I do? Do I keep trying and try not to sob every time I pump or do I stop and keep my sanity? Should I take the herbs and drink the tea to boost my milk production even though my heart isn't in it? I ache to nurse Katie, I know I could do it but it is excruciating to pump. My baby won't go hungry I signed a consent to give Mini donated breast milk. I can share bottle feeding with Colt and Emma. I just need to get off the fence and make a decision.
2 comments:
have you considered renting a commercial pump- they really do work much better and can be faster and more efficient. I also remember it helped to look at pictures of the baby while trying to pump.... maybe you've tried these things, just thoughts :) good luck!
Nursing is tough work! And pumping is AWFUL! I pumped for the last three months I nursed Charlotte, and honestly, it just about did me in. Nothing about it is natural and it just doesn't get the same amount of milk out as a baby can.
I totally know how hard it is, and if you did throw in the towel, I wouldn't blame you. That said, even a few ounces is so good for your kiddo that it might be worth it to hang in there. Stress for sure can affect your milk, but your diet can the most. It's so hard to want to lose weight and yet have to eat enough to produce a lot of milk. But just try for one day eating and drinking twice as much as you normally would and see if your milk increases. It's amazing how many calories it takes to make milk. Anyway, this is a novel and it might not work for you, but coming from someone that has had to pump, has lost her milk off and on and has been stressed about nursing, I thought I'd share what I learned. And I hate to say it, but really, the more often you pump, the more you'll make. Or at least that's what I found. :/ However I don't know how in the hell you're supposed to find time for that. Good luck!
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